Sometimes I hear them loud and mocking laughter, my inner Kali, the one who knows about deep suffering and unbearable pain in the world, the one who knows your naive loyalty to that clinically-white subtle-arrogant spirituality, those with luminous spiritual concepts therefore comes with off-hook concepts of illness and healing. Beyond compassion and empathy.
"Health is your natural state," you flute well. "You should urgently change something about your condition" I hear you say. I wonder what it has to do with you, that something should not be just as it is.
I did not ask for comfort and you do not need to save me. I do not need any tips, because what you perceive to be an illness is already the cure for me. I trust the wisdom of my body, the intelligence that breathes me, the cycles and rhythms of life.
There is nothing to analyze and nothing to speed up. I do not need to interfere in the process. I do not need to understand anything. I do not need to go anywhere (unless I want it because I'm comfortable), because my body leads me by showing me exactly what's right. By showing me uncompromisingly clear boundaries. No rebellion, no complaining, no bargaining, no clever concept of healing, no matter how spiritual it is.
My body is uncorruptible. He demands - and emphatically - mindfulness, rest, gentle movement, easy going, Arnica's ointment. He reacts with pain, exhaustion and restlessness when I pull, tear, push, too heavy wear, hold tight, bite me, do not let up, sit too long or stay in the same posture for a long time
My body teaches me to follow the movement that happens on its own. He forces me to let things, actions, even thoughts, that seem so important, be released. He teaches me to be less important to myself because the earth continues to rotate without my active contribution.
He teaches me that I am good and valuable, even though I can not afford anything. It shows me what I really am now, with most of it broken away, which I used to identify as important and useful.
He expands my perception of body sensations. He teaches me deep compassion and patience for myself and others. He teaches me to accept help. He teaches me to give only when I have the strength and energy to direct my precious energy to where it really bears good fruit.
My body teaches me receptivity and gratitude. He shows me what is really essential.