Do you know the uneasy feeling that assails you after you say something that is important to you?
It has often happened to me quite a while that right after conversations or meetings where I had to speak in front of many people, I was overcome by the feeling that what I said was not good enough.
It took a while for me to realize that the negative thoughts that always assailed me are the same: "I did not express it well enough," "I did not speak clearly enough," "I forgot to mention one important point "- the list could be continued endlessly.
The more I followed this negative thought, the more dissatisfied I became with my own expression. Sometimes I've been worried about what I'm going to do wrong now.
The fear of our expression
I believe that we have experienced so many times that our natural, unadulterated expression is undesirable, that we have become extremely restrained. If you want to believe the studies, people are much more afraid of talking to a group than of dying.
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld sums it up:
We would rather be at a funeral in the coffin than to stand in front of the coffin and to make a speech.
If you look at children, you can still see how expressive human nature actually is. When children feel comfortable, they love to talk, sing and ask questions. They have not yet learned that one is condemned if you do not do everything right.
For us as adults, it is far more difficult to get in touch with our expression again. We have so often experienced, rejected and laughed that we have no more desire to say something. The inner critic is the sum of all negative judgmental voices inside you. Everything that keeps us from feeling really comfortable when we speak, when we express our opinions and express ourselves. But the situation is not hopeless! With a few simple steps, we can free ourselves from the paralyzing influence of the inner critic.
DISCOVER THE INNER CRITICS
An important step on this path is to discover the inner critic. As long as we regard the negative voices as "normal" and do not perceive them, they have great influence over us. As soon as we realize that these are negative inner voices, we can change something.
WOULD I BELIEVE IN THE INTERNAL CRITIC?
As children, we had no choice - we simply accepted all forms of criticism that came from outside. But today you may consider carefully whether you want to give the inner critic power over you. You decide whether you want to believe his words or not.
LET THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS PREVENT
If you do not get into the voice of the inner critic, then his negative remarks just pass you by. Just as black storm clouds pass by in the sky, so you may let the dark energy of the inner critic pull past you. He has no power over you if you no longer pay attention to him.
Create value-free spaces for your expression
For me, it was very important, after each lecture and conversation deliberately with the positive, loving voices in myself (and in the outside) to stay. I learned to look at what went well.
Recognition is important. The more loving attention I gave myself, the freer my expression could become. All inner children, who were constantly dealing only with criticism and rejection, were allowed to make new experiences. They are praised, perceived and encouraged.
Loving communication instead of criticism
I learned to develop a new form of communication. Instead of saying everything that I do not like about the other's expression, I practiced first perceiving what was about to develop.
I address what may become even more powerful and consider how I can promote the new. If something is out of tune, I wonder if it is time to say goodbye to it.
🌺 ¸.•°**°•.¸𝒜r𝓋𝑒𝓃 ¸.•°**°•.¸🌺