I remembered a beautiful comparison, with which I can help you might better understand why it is so important to first learn to love yourself before a loving connection with another person is possible!
Imagine that you live in your house or your apartment, without feeling well here. Perhaps the windows are not cleaned for a long time and mist the view outside, under the sofa would have to be sucked again, new curtains you wanted for 2 years, because the old make the room appear dark! Oh, and how many times did you think you know that a couple of nice accessories would make everything much more homely and cozy!
So now you are sitting on your sofa, thinking of a very special person and imagine how well you would feel in your 4 walls, if this person would sit next to you! Everything would be different! The rooms appeared bright, no one thinks of the dust under the sofa, and who needs fresh flowers on the table when the love of your life keeps you in his arms?
Now the time has come! Your loved one has actually announced on a visit !! Quickly you care for the order, put the last sock under the bed and bring the garbage to the balcony! He is here !!!!! You fall into his arms and without looking at your apartment, just on the bed .... everything is so incredibly wonderful! Who thinks now of dust mice, new curtains and dirty dishes in the sink? ... I think I do not have to run the scenario any further ....! 😊
As long as you hope another person could turn your life into a "better", you might feel like feeling more comfortable in your skin, more beautiful, more desirable and finally "arrived at you", you do not see what it really is! No other man can fix YOUR house! No other person can make you permanently (!) Feel happy with YOU! No other man it manages to feel like with yourself comfortable when you can not do it without him! The longing for the love of another is ALWAYS reflecting the longing for the love for YOU! The more your ego cries after the other, the louder your soul cries for you!
For those who are currently involved in this difficult process, the biggest challenge is to deal with this EMPTY EMOTION that comes when what you've been focusing on for months or years is breaking away! So long have your thoughts turned around this one person! Now you are BEING, and this void is created in you, which is to be filled! Use this "interim" in your life for a thorough housecleaning! Scrub, miste out, decorate and enrich your own life! Make it so that you feel comfortable here! Cover all hidden dust fluff and dispose of the last garbage! .... and PLEASE not on the BALCONY..... 😉😊
What would be healed in you? Viewed? Respected? Released? Integrated? ... only when you sit on your sofa, look around you and are inspired and feeling wonderful about what you see, are you ready!
𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢 & 𝔏𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔰 (¯`·._)𝒜𝓋𝑒𝓃 ♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•..:*´¨`*:.☆💗
Never run after someone ...
"Never run after somebody, not even from a moral obligation, but meet people on equal terms." Someone once gave me this advice, which suitably came to my mind again just recently. When I asked why I should act so radically, I received an answer that opened my eyes to certain past situations. At first, someone told me that you should never run after somebody, not even yourself, because no one does needs people who are in front of him, but who is at his side. Then this person told me, "If this person can not enrich you, let him go. Because if he can not contribute anything to your everyday life, why should that be enforced ?! "
"The secret is not chasing the butterflies, it's about cultivating your own garden so they can come to you by themselves." (Mario Quintana)
What happens if you are looking for someone who is not yourself but does not find that person? But what happens if we run after ourselves? That may sound strange, but it can happen to us. Often we feel better when we flee from the truth or beautify it in the presence of our fellow human beings. When we run after something that is not there, we run after ourselves and that's never good. It is important to always look ahead, to have an uncertain goal in mind, and to seek our future. If we walk behind the fact of who we once were and not who we are, we will never evolve. We often do not dare to think about ourselves because we are afraid to find a void and recognize ourselves in it. However, we will never find emptiness if we accept that we are the ones we should love first. And to learn to love each other, we commit ourselves to growing every day. The same thing happens when we think of any other relationship.
If you think you should be in the back then that will be true.
Surely you think that's easier said than done, but in our lives there's this small group of people we want them to be by our side, and they'll stay that way, even if they do not care about us want to have her. It may be difficult to understand that they wish us no further in their lives after sharing it with them for a while. As complicated as these situations can sometimes be, we are better off thinking that the most important ingredient in every respect is the interest. We should not forget that.
Where no interest, no relationship
What connects and holds together is the mutual interest - the reciprocity, with everything that belongs to it.
"The lessening interest in me, the lack of your 'good day', the selfish choice of your distance, were what told me there was no need to travel to Macondo. Just kissing your lips was enough ... "From: One Hundred Years of Loneliness (Gabriel García Márquez)
We can not feel bad about stopping the only thing left us from a broken relationship. You are no longer needed by a human if he no longer wants you by his side and you do not really need him anymore. You only miss something that is no longer and no longer becomes. When you understand that, appreciate yourself, and do not allow others to continue to appreciate you, you are taking the first step in the right direction. Listen to yourself - you know exactly where you do not want to be. That's what it's about. You do not want to be where you're waiting for that person to turn around and look at you. You do not want to get to this point because you know she will not look at you because she no longer wants you.
Listen to yourself and think about it. Do not you want to find yourself again?
As we grow, so do we find our own way and our own speed in life. You alone are this person who is responsible for caring and loving oneself. And you know that the one who loses the least, always loses the most. Share your emotional world with people who really care about it, because that's the most honest form of love there is.
The thing with the self-love
Yesterday someone said to me again:
"This thing with the self-love is already clear to me,
but how the hell do I do that? "
I always have to smile when a conversation comes to this point. Of course, the question is understandable and fully justified, and of course we can do a lot to provide ourselves with love.
But basically is self-love and, incidentally, the love for others not making and doing, but an inner attitude, an open heart and complete acceptance.
We wish each other success, happiness and people who accept and love us - but have we ever obeyed inwardly whether we would allow ourselves that with our whole heart? The loving and careful handling of ourselves is the decisive prerequisite for being able to accept positive things from the outside world as well.
Self-love is alien to most people. Love - The most important thing at all, is laughed at by many people. Most of them laugh themselves out without realizing it. Because, without LOVE, nothing, absolutely nothing, would exist. That must be clear to you, otherwise you can not start to LOVE yourself and only suffer with it. Most people suffer - and how! LOVE yourself YOUR SELF - your soul and also your body If you LOVE yourself just a little, then you can only LOVE just as few other people. If you do not LOVE, then you can not LOVE another person. Nothing comes from nothing - logical. Of course, your loving attitude towards your body will also be effective when needed. It provides clarity and order, fresh air and good food. She lights candles and fills the hot water bottle when the feet are cold again in the evening.
But the essence is not all these things, but the love that flows through these things. And sometimes, when everything is just horrible, when there is only fear and pain, then all doing is far too much, then it's all about just being with me, being in love with myself.
because without self-love nothing works!
I invite you.....
It is very easy for us to confuse "surrender" with "give up" in a relationship. Instead of surrendering to and giving way to our softness and touch, desire and longing, it is possible for us to give ourselves up in the course of the relationship and retain those same devotional aspects within ourselves.
We are more or less self-reliant, embodying our longing, and we begin to apply certain strategies to keep things as they are or as we like them to, so that we can feel safe and secure.
But, of course, there are disappointments in all respects, feelings of rejection, disagreements. All this can cause insecurity, increase in distrust and anxiety, and the deep tingling tenderness ... the ecstasy that lies beneath, that sweet longing for total surrender in us suffocate. In fact, the sweet tingling is always here, ecstasy and dedication are always here, in ourselves. However, because we are busy maintaining our safety constructs and our relationship politics, these vibrantly living portions of our original power wither over time, because they do not get loving attention. Due to our fear of being alone and abandoned, we obviously make ourselves blackmailable. But there is no one who blackmailes us. We ourselves hold on to the game, succumbing to the illusion of lack and separateness. We unnecessarily corrupt ourselves to be loved, we bend to be always attractive and desirable, we sacrifice ourselves and are always available to make us irreplaceable, we suppress the savage and annoying in us and deny it Fine and delicate.
... unless we stop now
What if we simply forgave our painful error and let the fear and pain and anger just happen? If we allowed the delicate aspects, that mysteriously tantalizing call from inside us ... If we were honest with ourselves ... without blaming and blaming anyone for our feelings and unfulfilled yearnings.
What would be so bad about feeling everything? To give all space. To breathe while keeping ourselves in it. The fear and insecurity of being delivered, touchable and vulnerable is ultimately on both sides. What if we were willing to see, feel, feel our own insecurity, vulnerability and at the same time that of our partners? Without expectations. Without having to search for a "solution". Without looking at it as a problem we need to solve. But allow us this raw vulnerability.
How does she feel?
Where in the body do I feel something?
How is the atmosphere here in the body and in the space around me?
Which vibration is afraid?
What is the nature of desire?
What if we just stayed away instead of running away or looking for an outside solution? When we keep calling back to the moment when thoughts begin to tell us a pathetic or self-righteous story? Could it be that what we crave most lies ultimately in the midst of what we fear most? Could it be that opening and awakening take place right here?
I invite you to explore it.
.`•.¸.•´ ★Arwen(¸.•¨¯`* ღ